Ruin His Life

 I met Das the month after my baby sister died and we became fast friends. Growing up in the mountains, being homeschooled, and having the unique parents I did, his friendship was a welcome reprieve to my loneliness. He was an odd boy and we had a lot of ups and downs in our friendship. But knowing someone that well for that long, it wasn't impossible to pretend we were family. His parents were weirder and poorer than mine. He envied my many siblings. But his weird streak drove wedges and the longer I knew him, the less we had in common. We drifted apart in our high school years, but he still came to visit me a few times while I was at boarding school. It was through those visits he eventually met my soon-to-be best friend and his soon-to-be wife. 

My best friend moved in with me the year after we graduated. It was New Years Eve when she got kicked out of the house she had been living in with an old lady from Das's church. I offered my parents home to her and she accepted. 

She grew up in less than ideal circumstances, I won't go into the details, but suffice to say she became the amazing, motivated, loving, compassionate, headstrong person she is today despite her childhood, not because of it. I think Das, despite his parents and his poverty was a saving grace for her. I think my slightly less weird parents and slightly less impoverished poverty was another. 

She was on the top bunk in our shared room when she got a call at the crack of dawn. It was the police station. Das had been picked up for breaking into a car and stealing an ipod. She scrounged up bail from one of her family members and we picked him up that evening in her boat-of-a-first car. He was rather quiet on the way home. But the story changed the more people he told. He never quite saw it as his fault that he had been arrested. I don't know that his parents ever heard the truth. No charges were pressed. It was his first infraction and they didn't want to ruin his life.

He was caught stealing from his job shortly after and was quietly let go. He never owned up to it, never admitted it to anyone. But my grandfather golfed with Das's boss. I knew the whole story. But... No charges were pressed. He was such a nice guy, he made one mistake. They didn't want to ruin his life.

He broke up with my best friend for a while. It seemed like he wanted to work on himself. I don't know what he was actually doing, but we took him at his word and let him grow as a person. I admit, I was glad he was out of our lives for a little while so my best friend and I could date boys together, build our friendship, and become closer than ever. It was a nice time. Eventually they got back together and I felt like he had matured in their time apart. He was calmer. He had a steady job. He was going to church. It felt like they were on the right path.

They got married Dec. of 2013. She got pregnant on the honeymoon. At 7 months pregnant, trapped at home in the mountains of my youth with no car to go anywhere, alone most of the time... (I had moved to Guam) She discovered he was cheating on her through texts on his phone. He never owned up to all of it, only the pieces he couldn't deny because she had seen it with her own eyes. But she stuck by him. He was a nice guy. She didn't want to ruin his life. She told no one... Not even me. 

I came home for my sister's wedding. My best friend's daughter was just over 1 year old. We went swimming in the hot, late-summer evening after working all day to prepare for the ceremony hosted on my family's farm. My best friend and I swam out in the lake to a small island, lovingly named "Duck Poop Island". We strolled around looking for nests even though they had long been abandoned. I don't remember how she said it, but I remember when she finally did. I cried. She cried. I was shaken. This shouldn't have happened to my beautiful best friend. I couldn't believe how bravely she had borne it alone. For how long she had kept her hurt hidden. 

She came to visit me in SD with her daughter and it felt like the final nail in the coffin of her marriage. She was done. She was ready to ruin his life. She wanted to be out of an unhappy marriage. Her daughter had just turned 2. I think it was the bravest, best thing she could have done. It took a full year for her divorce to go through, but the following Christmas, she got the best present she could have ever given herself. 

Shortly after she divorced her husband, my cousin came sniffing around. He had kind of always been there in a strange background way. We used to run to the windows and peek out at him, giggling like little girls when he would come to visit my grandmother next door. He had this effortless charm about him. He didn't try to impress anybody, always spoke the truth, and never cared if he seemed cool. A total opposite of Das. He had once made a joke after spending some time with Das, my best friend, and their daughter that he was ready to find a wife, but only one like my best friend. And he hoped he would have a kid like their's. So it might come as no surprise that two years after her divorce, my best friend celebrated her second wedding... to my cousin. We were finally family. 

Its hard to put into words the type of person Das is. If you know anything about narcissistic personality disorder... it sums him up nicely. If you understand emotional abuse, you'll know what life was like for my best friend being married to him. She shrunk to a size 6 being married to him and he still berated her to lose weight. He made her delete facebook, wouldn't let her share photos of her daughter to family over text or email (the government is watching), refused to have anything in the house that wasn't organic and "chemical-free", even clothing. She once brought home an organic cheese that had a fancy word for "salt" in the ingredients and he made her throw it away unopened. Anything that threatened his intelligence was forbidden from their house. I once got into a debate with him about something and every time she opened her mouth, whether to agree or disagree with him, he snapped at her to shut up and let him speak. You could catch him in a lie with undeniable proof in your hands and he would still weasel his way out of it and try to make YOU feel like the crazy one. Gaslighting. Put-downs. Manipulations. 

Das lingers. Co-parenting with a narcissist might be a little better than being married to one... but not by much. He fought her every step of the way. He wanted everything 50-50 on paper, but wanted her to take 90% of the responsibilities in real life. It was all about looking good in court and nothing about actually being a good father. He stuck his daughter in a pantry big enough for a twin mattress and called it a bedroom. Their daughter would come home exhausted, rashy, filthy and hungry because he couldn't be bothered with things like bed time, wiping her after she used the toilet, baths, and feeding her a solid meal. But he "took parenting classes online" so the courts granted 50-50 custody. 

When my best friend discovered he stole her mail and used money from a refund she was expecting from her cable company and used it to buy a gun for his friend, she called the cops. Nothing happened. She called again. She went down there. Over and over, they fumbled it but she persisted until a real cop who cared took the case on. He got the DA involved. It took a year for anything to happen with it, but finally, they began the process to charge him with two felonies and two lesser charges. The felonies were stealing mail and using stolen money to buy a gun. He threatened her. He said he would kidnap their daughter and run and she would never be able to find them if she moved forward with the case. She got a restraining order. He fought to overturn it and won, but he's no longer allowed to come to her property and they meet at the police station every day to pick up and drop off their daughter. 

She has suffered through so many court hearings. She has paid so much money to a lawyer. She has fought for her rights tooth and nail. Covid hit and court moved to phone calls. And now... finally... a verdict. He was told to pay back the money he stole... and they dropped everything. She protested. She fought for more. But they said, "This is his first infraction. He's such a nice guy. We don't want to ruin his life."

The Office Christmas Party, 2020

 Title: TBD

Characters:

Talisa: Jill-Party Planner

Jack: Travis, Party Planner

Michael: Joe-Party Planner

Arlee: Arlee-Party Planner

Nathan: Dwayne- Waiting for a Christmas package. VERY stressed out

April: Grace- Waiting for a Christmas package. Peaceful.

Elijah: Skillet- sort of a weird, random dude who makes people laugh and doesn't seem to know what's going on most of the time. Comic relief

Dulce: Felicia-New Girl

Emma: Camilla- Has no desire to participate in anything to do with Christmas. Tries to "prank" Samira with destroying Christmas

Zoelia: Samira (Sam)-Over the top with happiness over the fact that its Christmas. But no focus on what it's really about. Tries to "prank" Camilla with Christmas kindness

Michelle: Ms. Ellis-The Boss, kind and educates- sort of the moral guide

Aubrey: Hannah-Shy girl, hard to pull from her shell, but very artistic and funny in a quiet way

Jayden: Mark-Got a large bonus, Boastful and arrogant, but has a good heart and redeemed in the end

Abby: Beth-Gift of the Magi 1

Eliana: Liz-Gift of the Magi 2

Opening scene:

(Felicia comes and stands in front of the audience.)

Felicia: It was my first day. Of my first week And had I known everything that would happen, I probably would have quit that very day.

(She exits. Party Planners come in)

Joe: It wasn't the plan.

Jill: Everything got so out of control!

Travis: And right when things seemed settled…

Arlee: Everything got so much worse.

(They exit)

(Ms. Ellis enters)

Ms Ellis: So you want to know about our Christmas party huh? Well, I guess it all started about a week before the party when I called a staff meeting in the conference room.

(Ms. Ellis turns to the head of the room, next to a whiteboard)

Ms. Ellis: Everyone gather up for a quick meeting. 

(People come filling in, each heading to a different chair, mumbling and talking amongst themselves.)

Camilla: (Pretty grumpy, carrying a cup of coffee) You call too many meetings.

Samira: (Very bubbly and wearing a garish Christmas sweater) Au contraire, my grumpy friend. I don't think she calls ENOUGH meetings!

Camilla: I can't hear your voice over how loud that sweater is.

Travis: Come on, ladies. It's barely daybreak. Let's keep the bickering to a minimum.

Ms. Ellis: Thank you Travis. Alright, everyone please settle in... Thank you. First off, let's welcome Felicia, our newest team member. (Everyone claps and Felicia waves). Felicia is working in customer relations, so everyone take time to make her feel at home in the office. Now, I know that Christmas is only a few weeks away, and we all have a lot of work to do before our vacation time, but we have to plan our Christmas party.

(This is met with titters and a few groans. React according to character)

Jill: (Stands) I have already selected a party planning committee, Ms Ellis!

Camilla: You mean you settled for the 3 people willing to work with you.

Samira: (Admonishing) Camilla! (Turning to Jill) Jill, you know I would have loved to volunteer, but I'm already planning the church party, working with my daughter's school, baking for all my family that's coming into town and of course starring in the community's Living Nativity. My husband made me PROMISE not to take on anything else, or you know I-

Jill: (Cutting her off and waving her away) Of course, Samira. You have already told me three times. The committee is me, of course. Joe, Travis, and Arlee. We're really excited to begin planning!

(They all smile and nod, Joe and Travis high five)

Ms. Ellis: Thank you for taking the initiative to set that up, Jill! We all appreciate you taking the time to plan a wonderful party for us. 

(Jill sits)

Ms. Ellis: That brings us to Christmas party item number two: The gift exchange. 

(More titters of joy and groans)

Mark: YES! 

(Everyone kind of glances at him, annoyed, but also a little amused).

Ms. Ellis: If you all recall, White Elephant last year was a bit of a bust. So we're going to just do a straight forward secret Santa this year. Everyone will pull a name out of this hat. If you get your own name, please let me know and I will fix it. 

Felicia: What happened at the white elephant?

Liz: It was crazy. Someone wrapped up a raw fish and stuck it under the tree a week early.

Beth: It sat there and rotted and no one could figure out where the smell was coming from.

Hannah: I sat closest to the tree. (She looks sick to her stomach) But that wasn't as bad as... (she looks at Dwayne)

Dwayne: (Rather dramatically) I was the fool who opened it. 

Grace: (Cracking up) I will never forget the look of horror on your face!

(Everyone laughs, except Dwayne)

Ms. Ellis: The really uncomfortable part was no one would own up to it!

Skillet: Oh that was me!

Everyone shocked: (ad lib, "what?" "gross!" "You?" "I should have known!”)

Skillet: Yep, I usually bring in the donuts. I like to keep it a secret so I feel like Santa. 

Liz: Donuts?

Beth: What are you talking about?

Hannah: We're talking about the fish, Mr. Skillet. Remember? From last year's Christmas party?

Skillet: Hahaha! Oh yeah. What a funny gag! Who was that?

Felicia: (To Grace) It's nice of him to bring in donuts.

Grace: That man has never even seen a donut. I would kill for a donut right now!

Dwayne: I can’t imagine eating a donut after thinking about the smell of that fish. (Shudder)

Grace: (Sighing) Well no one ever brings in donuts, so it’s doesn’t matter.

Ms. Ellis: Back to the task at hand.

(Hands a hat around the table. People look at their names, some don't react, some smile. Other's frown.)

Mark: (Pulling out the paper and looking at the name) Dude! You are so lucky I got your name.

Arlee: Mark, this is SECRET Santa.

 

Mark: I didn't say WHO. I said “Dude".

Arlee: Yeah. So now we all know you got a guy.

Mark: Dude could be anyone. And this dude is one LUCKY dude. I have the BEST gift idea. And you all know about my massive bonus! So you are gonna get a GREAT gift.

Jill: No, we have a budget. 

Joe: Yeah, we're not allowing anyone to spend over 25 dollars. 

Mark: Oh. Sure. I'll stick to the budget. (Then looking at the crowd, he winks and raises his eyebrows)

Arlee: I saw that. 

Skillet: Shoot! I'm busted! (He holds up his hands, but everyone except Felicia kind of ignores him.)

Felicia: (To Grace) Is he okay?

Grace: Who knows?

Ms. Ellis: Alright, I think that's everything, team! Thank you for coming in, let's get back to work. 

(as everyone is filing out, Grace turns to Dwayne)

Grace: If I give you some money, will you run out and get donuts for the office?

Dwayne: I guess I could do that. I do have a SWEET car.

Grace: You and your car! (Laughs) Just get a variety. Thanks buddy!

Dwayne: No problem. 

(End scene)

Scene 2

(Beth does a talking head)

Beth: Liz and I have been best friends for a while, so when I pulled her name for the secret Santa, I knew exactly what I was going to get her. Even though it wasn’t within the budget of the Christmas gift, this wasn’t just any gift. It was THE gift for our friendship. I knew I would have to get the money from somewhere, but that didn’t matter to me. All that mattered was finally getting my best friend the one thing she’d been missing for as long as I had known her.

(In a kitchenette, Liz sits at a table with a contemplative look on her face. Felicia comes in to make a cup of coffee)

Liz: Hi Felicia. We haven't really had a chance to talk yet. I'm Liz.

Felicia: Hi! It's nice to meet you. (They shake hands, and Felicia proceeds to make a cup of coffee)

Liz: (sighs)

Felicia: I really like your necklace.

Liz: Oh! (Touches locket) Thank you. The locket was my grandma’s. It’s really special to me. The chain turns my neck green, but the locket is real gold.

Felicia: It’s really pretty. I don’t think anyone would notice the chain.

Liz: (Slumps forward) Thanks. (Sighs again)

Felicia: You look a little worried. I know I'm new, but you can talk to me, if you'd like?

Liz: Oh, it's just this silly gift exchange. It's supposed to be a secret, but I got my best friend, Beth. 

Felicia: That's really nice! You must have so many ideas!

Liz: That's just it. I should have tons of ideas, but I don't have a single thought in my head. I was already worried about giving her a gift this year, but now I have to in front of everyone in the office. Its like our friendship is going to be on display and my gift has to show everyone how much I know her. 

Felicia: Oh man. That's a lot of pressure. 

Liz: Yeah. I've never been good at gifts. So this just adds a whole new level of pressure.

Felicia: Would it help if I did some recon for you? As the new girl, I could definitely ask her questions without her figuring out its for the gift exchange. 

Liz: (Perking up) Wow, would you really do that for me?

Felicia: (Laughing) Sure! I would love to!

Liz: Thank you so much! You don't know how much that would help!

(Beth enters)

Beth: How much what would help?

Felicia and Liz together: Nothing. (They look at each other and giggle)

Liz: Thank you Felicia. (She smiles and leaves)

Beth: That was weird. What were you guys talking about? 

Felicia: Oh you know. Silly girl stuff. You're Beth right? I'm Felicia.

Beth: (Glowering) Yeah. I know. I was in the meeting. 

Felicia: Oh. Right. 

(Awkward pause)

Felicia: Sooo... What do you like to do for fun, Beth?

Beth: I think it's fun when people don't keep secrets and include me in what's going on.

Felicia: Oh. Um... Yeah. Me too.

(Awkward pause) 

Felicia: Well I should get back to work. 

Beth: (Glaring) Yeah. Maybe you should.

(Felicia goes out as Hannah comes in)

Hannah: Woah. Beth. That glare could freeze boiling soup. What's the new girl done??

Beth: I don't know. It was so weird. I came in here and she and Liz were talking about something but they got all weird and secretive when they saw me. Liz immediately left. I don't know, I feel like something fishy is going on?

Hannah: Fishy? Oh no. Not again! (She looks ill)

Beth: No, not like... a literal fish. I just mean... I think Felicia is trying to steal my best friend. 

Hannah: Liz and you have been close for a few years now. I don't think you have to worry about her being stolen away from you.

Beth: I don't know. Maybe I’m being silly. But you didn't see how they were acting. It was weird.

Hannah: (Shrugs) Maybe they have secrets already. That doesn't mean she's trying to steal Liz. Oh! Speaking of secrets! Who did you get for secret Santa??

Beth: I can't tell you. It's supposed to be a secret! (She grins) But I know exactly what I'm going to get her!

Hannah: Ooh! Her!! That narrows it down! Well, don't tell me then. I'm thinking of something for my secret Santa too... but I don't know quite yet. (She looks thoughtful) This year, I want to do something really special. 

Beth: Yeah. Me too. 

(Dwayne comes in one side of the stage holding a massive box of donuts)

Hannah: Dwayne! You bought donuts for the office?

Beth: Sweet! I'm so in the mood for sugar-y goodness!

Dwayne: Yep! Grace actually-

Beth: That is so sweet of you! Way to put everyone in the Christmas spirit.

Hannah: You’re a real pal! (She reaches towards the box, and pulls out a donut)

Dwayne: (Smiling at the praise) Well you know me… happy to be helpful! 

(He turns the box so Beth can grab a donut)

Beth: You’re an awesome co-worker.

Hannah: And an even better friend.

Beth: Let's go share with everyone else.

Hannah: Definitely.

(They exit, scene ends.)

Scene 3

 (Talking head with just Dwayne)

Dwayne: I know I should have told them it wasn’t my idea to buy donuts for the office. But it felt so good to be thanked. I figured I would own up to it at some point… But that point didn’t really ever come up.

(He exits)

(The Party Planners come onto the stage and sit at a table)

Jill: Awesome! Let's get right into it! 

Joe: I think we should each take charge of something different, and then everyone contribute to the food.

Arlee: Well, I think we should let ME do the food and everyone else can work on everything else.

Travis: That doesn't really seem fair. Besides, I'm dying to share my new dip recipe. That's half the reason I signed up to be a party planner.

Jill: I like Joe's plan. 

(Arlee folds her arms and frowns)

Arlee: I just used to work at a catering company. I know how to do the food.

Joe: That may be, Arlee, but it’s a lot of food for one person to do.

Jill: A lot? No, no. I was thinking we'd just do chips, treats, and appetizers.

Travis: I also have a casserole dish I'd love to experiment-I mean, show you guys. 

Joe: Yes, I was picturing more of a full dinner. Everyone would sit and eat and share Christmas stories.

Arlee: What? Joe, this isn't a dinner party. We aren't going to be sitting.

Travis: Maybe a cake recipe. I could test out that new buckwheat flour…

Jill: Well, people could certainly sit if they want to, but I was picturing something a little less... formal.

Joe: Well I wasn't going to bring my best china, but what's the point of planning food if we aren't going to sit and enjoy it?

Arlee: Let's move on from food for now. What about decorations?

Jill: I'm fine with anything except tinsel.

Joe: We have to have tinsel. Tinsel IS Christmas.

Travis: I could make the tinsel! I have tons of tin foil and a brand new shredder!

Arlee: Why in the world do you have tons of tin foil and a brand new shredder??

Travis: To make tinsel... Did you not hear me?

Joe: No, no, I'm sure we can just BUY pre-made tinsel. 

Jill: Except we aren't doing tinsel because it's such a hassle to clean up.

Arlee: Well I don't mind tinsel, but I certainly don't want to clean it up.

Travis: Maybe I could invent a way to quickly clean up only the tinsel so Jill could feel at ease about having it.

Joe: Travis, I don't mean to be rude, but have you ever invented anything before?

Travis: I admit its a new hobby, but I'm sure I could figure it out in the next week.

Arlee: Alright, how does that sound Jill? We only have tinsel if Travis invents a tinsel-cleaning machine.

Jill: Seems fair.

Joe: What? No! That means we're not going to have any tinsel!

Jill: Let's put a pin in the tinsel.

Joe: I don't care how we hang it up as long as we have some.

Jill: No I meant we'll put a pin in the tinsel IDEA. Like... we'll come back to it later.

Travis: Ooh, pins! Should I go get a cork board and some push pins?

Arlee: No no, I'm sure we'll remember to come back to the tinsel since Joe is such a big fan.

Joe: Fine. We can come back to it. How about activities?

Jill: We haven't covered any of the other decorations!

Joe: If you don't understand the importance of tinsel, I don't see how we'll agree on any of the other decorations.

Arlee: What about the tree?

Travis: Yes! A tree! The Christmas tree! The center of the holiday spirit! (Begins to sing) O Tannenbaum, o tannenbaum-

Jill: Really, Travis, must you sing?

Joe: That was German. How do you know German?

Arlee: Not really the point. I think we should go to the Boy Scouts for our tree. My nephew said they make most of their funds through selling Christmas trees. They've done so much for him, I feel like we should support them.

Joe: My church also sells Christmas trees as a fundraiser. I was hoping to buy from them.

Travis: I thought we'd just go to the local super store and pick one up for cheap.

(Skillet randomly enters)

Skillet: Or you could go out and cut one down with your bare hands, the way God intended. 

Jill: You mean... go into the mountains with a saw and steal a tree from a National Forest?

Skillet: Did I say saw? Or did I say BARE. HANDS. 

(Silence.)

Arlee: Thank you, Skillet. Ummm... We've got it from here.

Skillet: Happy to help.

(He stands there)

Joe: (Coughs) Um... You can go, Skillet.

Skillet: No problem boss.

(Skillet leaves)

Travis: I didn't know you were his boss.

Joe: I'm not. 

Jill: I'm already exhausted and we haven't even scratched the surface of planning.

Arlee: I actually have an important meeting with a client, I should go.

Travis: Oh yeah, I have someone on hold still!

Joe: Okay everyone, disband, come up with some ideas, and we'll meet back here tomorrow, okay?

Jill: Sounds good. Thank you everyone.

(They exit. Scene ends)Scene 4

(Samira and Camilla each do talking heads)

Samira: I have always been the first person to put on Christmas music. It doesn’t matter if my fall decorations aren’t even up yet, knowing Christmas is around the corner just puts me into that Christmas-y mood! So when I say that Camilla and I don’t see eye-to-eye, I mean it. I don’t think that girl even knows the words to Jingle Bells!!

(She exits, Camilla enters)

Camilla: OCTOBER. I have had to listen to Christmas music since OCTOBER because Sam doesn’t know the meaning of moderation!!! (Mocking, in sort of a crazy voice sing) On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee… If I were her true love, I know exactly what I’d give her. Don’t get me wrong. I used to look forward to the changing of the seasons. There was even a small part of me that looked forward to looking at lights with my family. Now, anything to do with Christmas makes me want to pull my hair out!

(She exits)

(Scene is set up to be cubicles, one completely decorated, the other is bare, except for some personal items. Samira comes in with a plate of a few donuts. Camilla enters with half of one)

Camilla: Of course. Mrs. Over-Does-It. There are all the donuts.

Samira: Oh don’t you just LOVE donuts? I eat one and I just have to eat a bunch more! 

Camilla: Yes. Everyone loves donuts. That is not special to just you.

Samira: Well, excuse me for being enthusiastic about anything. Far be it from someone who has never been enthusiastic about ANYTHING to understand what it’s like to appreciate the little things that make life happy. 

Camilla: There’s appreciating the little things (she holds up her donut half) And then there’s gorging yourself on a mountain of donuts. (Gesture to Samira’s plate).

Samira: If it makes me happy, why do you care?

(Camilla rolls her eyes and picks up some papers from her desk and leaves. Samira quickly opens up her desk and pulls out some holiday decorations and pins them up on Camilla’s walls. Mark walks in)

Mark: What are you doing?

Samira: (Slightly startled) Oh it’s just you, Mark. I’m just… spreading a little Christmas cheer!

Mark: I think Christmas cheer only comes when you give gifts. I don’t see Camilla seeing this as a gift.

Samira: I know somewhere deep down, Camilla will love Christmas if she would just LET herself love it! I have been playing Christmas music since October trying to get her into the mood and she’s almost there, I know she is!

Mark: Yeah… Your Christmas music. I’m pretty sure everyone in the office has something to say about that…

Samira: You guys can thank me later. Right now I’m trying to coax Camilla over to the festive side!

Mark: You’re trying to misquote Star Wars right there… The Dark Side was the bad side, Sam. 

Samira: Potato tomato. I’m going to overwhelm her with the Christmas Spirit!

Mark: (Shrugs) Well, have fun. 

(He exits)

Samira: Ooh. I need more tape! 

(She exits. Camilla Enters)

Camilla: Are you kidding me?? (She begins pulling everything Samira hung up, down.)

(Samira Enters)

Samira: CAMILLA! What are you doing??

Camilla: I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this. What are you even thinking, putting the stuff up in MY cubicle?

Samira: I hoped you would be grateful!

Camilla: What in the world would make you think that? Have I said or done anything to make you think you could put Christmas junk up in my personal space and I would THANK YOU?!

Samira: (Huffing) I hoped you would be overcome with the Christmas Spirit! Look how pretty these little lights are…

Camilla: Overcome…? What are you even… Sam… THIS IS REAL LIFE. Not. A. Hallmark. MOVIE. There is no such thing as The Christmas Spirit! You’ve been using too much glitter glue. It’s infected your brain!

Samira: There absolutely is a Christmas Spirit! I feel it ever day.

(Ms. Ellis enters)

Ms. Ellis: Ladies, I can hear you all the way down the hall!

Samira: I’m terribly sorry, Ms. Ellis, I’m just trying to spread a little holiday cheer, but Miss Buzzkill-

Ms. Ellis: Name calling is really unnecessary, Sam. I am sorry you two ladies won’t get along. I think it would benefit each of you… if not the whole office, if you took some time to reflect on what Christmas truly means.

Samira: I feel like I do understand! I am trying to help Camil-

Camilla: (Crossing her arms) Oh yeah because tinsel and lights really hold so much (using fingers to make quotation marks) “meaning”.

Ms. Ellis: BOTH of you need to try to facilitate some form of peace for the whole office’s sake if not for each other. Please ladies. Now let’s get back to work.

(Everyone huffs and turns to go back to work. Ms. Ellis exits the scene END SCENE.)

Scene 5

(Hannah is sitting at her desk- She's in a desk cluster with Skillet and Mark. They are all working hard and quietly.)

Mark: (Stretches) BOOOOORED.

(Skillet and Hannah laugh)

Skillet: NAIL! (He throws a soft desk toy at Mark)

Mark: What was that for?

Skillet: You were bored. I nailed you.

(Hannah laughs The two freeze and Hannah stands up to do a talking head)

Hannah: Every once in a while Mark gets super bored at work. I've always envied his ability to just say that he's bored. Most of the time, I clam up. I find myself keeping all my thoughts to myself. I know that screaming at the top of your lungs that you're bored is a little obnoxious. And yet... I wish I was brave enough do it.

(She goes back to the desk cluster and sits.)

Mark: I wish it was Christmas break already. I love my job. Especially since I ROCK at it. Best worker EVER!! (He points to himself) But sometimes being the best is boring. I barely even have to try!

Skillet: Good for you man!

Hannah: (Hesitant and very shy) Yeah, but they say boredom is the mother of invention.

Skillet: I’ve heard that. Mothers are always inventing! Paper bags. Kevlar for bullet proof vests. Invisible glass. Mothers are awesome. I can’t wait to go home and beat mine at Monopoly!

Mark: You still live with your mother? Aren’t you like… 100?

Skillet: 107 next June.

(They both stare at him, then each other, then the audience)

Hannah: Isn’t all glass invisible?

Skillet: Only if you’re a bird.

(They look at each other, the audience, and Skillet)

Mark: I don’t want to invent something. I do enough for this company. I want to bask in the glory of my accomplishments. Hey! Maybe I’ll have a long lunch tomorrow and go Christmas shopping! You guys wanna join?

Skillet: I can’t man. Too many mines to sweep.

Hannah: Umm… Sure. I’ll go.

Mark: Awesome.

(Mark and Skillet exit, Hannah comes to center stage to do another talking head)

Hannah: I had never in my life been alone with Mark before. I have no idea where I got the nerve to say yes. It was as if all the time I spent being too afraid to be his friend vanished in a moment.Scene 6

(Felicia does a talking head)

Felicia: I was really getting into the groove at my new job. Customer service is a rough job, but someone has to do it. Being polite to annoyed people is a skill that I have always had. But I admit, I didn’t think I would have to practice it with my co-workers on my second day in the office. It wasn’t long before I realized Beth was not going to be an easy nut to crack.

(Enter Grace, Dwayne, Beth and Liz. Felicia joins them )

Felicia: Hey thanks again for the donuts yesterday Dwayne!

Liz: Oh yeah, thanks a lot, Dwayne!

Beth: Thank you very much! I was in the mood for chocolate!

(They turn their heads to their work)

Grace: (Swivels in her chair) Thanks Dwayne?? Why is everyone thanking you for the donuts? I paid for them.

Dwayne: Yeah… I guess when they saw me bring them in they just assumed I bought them. 

Grace: Oh yeah? And what did you say when they “assumed” that you bought them?

Dwayne: Well… I did drive all the way down there to get them. I mean, gas isn’t cheap you know.

Grace: The donut shop is a block away, Dwayne. (She sighs and waves it away) It’s fine. I mean, the office got donuts, so who really cares who gets the credit? Thanks for driving down there for me.

Dwayne: Man, I’m sorry Grace. I should have corrected them. It felt good to be seen as thoughtful for once, I guess.

Grace: How about in the future you just… BE thoughtful. Donuts don’t take that much creativity and people really appreciate that kind of thing.

Dwayne: Yeah. You’re right. I’ll work on that. 

(They turn back to work.)

Dwayne: (Suddenly) Oh Grace! I just had a thought! I actually know of this really great site where you can order all kinds of high end stuff for a really reasonable price! I have to pay a yearly subscription to use it. But I was just thinking as an apology for stealing your thoughtful gesture, how about you order some Christmas presents through the site! You’d pay for the gifts yourself, but you know… you can have access to it through my account.

Grace: Really? That sounds really cool! Is the stuff as nice as it looks online? Why are the prices so good?

Dwayne: I’ve ordered lots of gifts through it before, everything looks like the advertisements. I haven’t been disappointed. I think its just a way for stores to sell stuff that’s out of season or stuff that they ordered too much of. 

Grace: Cool! I really appreciate that, Dwayne! Thank you!

Dwayne: I’ll send you a link to it and private message you my info to log in.

Grace: Sounds good. That was really thoughtful of you Dwayne.

(They return to work. Focus now goes to Liz, Beth, and Felicia)

Liz: Hey Felicia… how goes the um… (She glances at Beth who pretends she’s not listening) Special project?

Felicia: I admit I haven’t gotten anywhere yet. I do have some ideas though.

Liz: Cool, cool. We- I mean YOU still have plenty of time. But try to work on it for other people to get THEIR parts done. For the project. If you know what I mean.

Felicia: Copy that. I will try to work on it.

Beth: You guys are acting so weird.

Liz: Oh-well-um… You know… She’s got that thing she needs to do.

Felicia: Yeah. My special assignment. From the corporate office.

Beth: Whatever. I don’t even care what you guys are lying about.

Liz: Ah, come on Beth. Tis the season to be jolly!

(Liz and Beth both sing “Falalalala-lala-la-la” and then crack up laughing.)

Felicia: My goodness, it was like we practiced it!

Liz: Twin brain!

Beth: (Monotone and clearly angry) Ha-ha-ha. Can we get back to work please?

Felicia: Sure thing Beth. Sorry. (Pause as if she’s working, then asks:) Hey Beth?

Beth: (Sighing) What?

Felicia: What do you like best about Christmas?

Beth: Really? (She rolls her eyes and leans back in her chair) I guess its being with my family.

Felicia: Oh yeah? Do you guys have any cool traditions?

Beth: (She softens her tone a little) Yeah. We do the usual stuff, but every year we like to snuggle up under the Christmas tree and take a huge family photo in our Christmas pajamas. 

Felicia: That’s so fun! Do you do matching pjs?

Beth: (Smiling at her memories) Yeah. Most of the time. One year we all got different pajamas and everyone was so confused. My grandma kept yelling “What’s the theme?” And my great uncle kept saying, “Who are you people? You could be anyone in those pajamas!” (She laughs and then looks around self-consciously) I guess you kind of had to be there.

Felicia: That sounds really fun Beth!

Beth: Yeah. (She seems to realize she’s smiling and smothers it) We should really be working.

Felicia: Oh. Yeah. (She looks at Liz who grins) I guess I should work on my special project?

Liz: I think you got it. It’s perfect. I bet it has… I mean WILL inspire the right people. 

(They flash each other the thumbs up)

Felicia: Awesome!

Beth: (Shakes her head) You guys are so weird.

(End Scene)Scene 7

(Travis does a talking head)

Travis: With Christmas around the corner everyone was in a tizzy. I know I was doing everything in my power to invent and create for the perfect Christmas party ever. I admit, I was pretty new at most of the hobbies I was trying my hand at, but apart from one small explosion, most of the food was… Well, I wouldn’t say good. But it was definitely food. At times I doubted myself, but the Bible says, “With God all things are possible.” In Matthew. And in Galations it says, “Don’t give up doing good.” So, with that in mind, I continued to try.

(He sits. The rest of the party planners enter)

Jill: Okay, okay we are now a day closer to this party and I feel like we’re no closer to getting things planned. Anyone come up with ideas?

Arlee: I am working on a gingerbread house as a decoration.

Jill: I’m allergic to gingerbread.

Arlee: I’ve already got most of it built… I’m just working on decorating.

Jill: I really wish you had checked with us first! We need to agree on everything before we just march ahead with projects.

Arlee: (Slightly sarcastically) Soooorrry. I didn’t think a gingerbread house would be a political statement. (Gesturing to Joe and Travis) Are you guys against the gingerbread house?

Joe: Not at all. Especially if you put lots of marshmallows all over it.

Travis: I was contemplating building one of my own, so this takes one chore off my shoulders. Thanks Arlee! Baking isn’t as straight forward as I anticipated. I haven’t even begun trying to figure out how to engineer a tinsel-specific vacuum.

Jill: There’s a surprise. Well I just think it’s not fair to have a beautiful candy-covered creation when not everyone can eat it.

Arlee: Oh, no one is going to eat my gingerbread house. I’ve worked too hard on it. Plus, when I’m done building it, I plan on spraying it with bug-killer to keep it nice till the party.

Joe: Oh. Um. Skip the marshmallows then. 

Arlee: I can’t put marshmallows on it because it will be covered in bug spray?

Joe: I have a weakness for marshmallows. Even if I know they’re covered in poison, I don’t know if I could resist them.

Jill: That is disgusting, Joe. 

Joe: Hey, at least I know myself. I love marshmallows and tinsel and apparently I can’t have either at this Christmas party I am part of planning. (He crosses his arms and mopes a little)

Travis: I’ve been working on an ambrosia salad. That’s got marshmallows in it.

Arlee: (Shudders) And coconut. Nasty.

Jill: Shall we at least divid up the food? It sounds like Travis has plans to feed the entire neighborhood. 

Travis: Are we not inviting the whole neighborhood?

(Everyone at once): NO!

Travis: Man, my portion sizes are going to be WAY off.

Arlee: I was thinking we should pick a color theme.

Jill: We HAVE a color theme, Arlee! It’s CHRISTMAS. Red, Green, maybe a few sprinkles of gold here and there. That’s the color theme.

Joe: That’s all well and good, but don’t you think that’s kind of all been done before?

Arlee: Exactly what I was thinking Joe! Don’t we want to show off our creativity?

Jill: At this point, I just want to pull off any sort of Christmas party AT ALL. 

Travis: I can see you’re frustrated, but we’ve only had two meetings. Don’t worry Jill. I’m sure it will all come together.

Joe: Yeah. A crummy Christmas party with no tinsel, poisoned gingerbread, and enough ambrosia salad to feed the entire eastern seaboard.

Arlee: I can hear the phone at my desk ringing. Can I go?

Jill: Fine. FINE! Everyone go. Go work. But please. When we meet tomorrow, can we have SOME plan worked out??

Travis: I’ve got your back, Jill. You can count on me.

Arlee: Don’t worry. We’ll get it done.

Joe: (Looking thoughtful.) Sure Jill… I’ll come up with a plan… the PERFECT plan… (Smiles sneakily)

(Everyone except Joe exits, Joe steps forward to do a talking head)

Joe: It suddenly clicked for me at the end of that meeting. If we couldn’t agree on a party… I would do the whole party myself. Jill could get over her “no no no” attitude and finally enjoy Christmas and I would get ALL the tinsel my heart desires! (Evil laugh)

(Exits, END SCENE)

Scene 8

(Mark does a talking head)

Mark: I guess you could say I was born great. I mean, come one. Looking at my sales record, it’s hard to deny. But sometimes it feels like if I don’t constantly remind people how awesome I am, they’ll forget I even exist. That’s why when I pulled Felicia’s name for Secret Santa, I KNEW I had to go above and beyond to remind everyone just how much I rock at pretty much everything. Even if that means throwing the budget out the window.

(Enter Hannah. Set up is like a store)

Mark: Hey thanks for coming with me. It’ll be good to get a second opinion.

Hannah: I’ll do my best.

Mark: I’m really hoping to bring the “Wow” factor, you know? That’s why I’m here. I was thinking… jewelry. What do you think?

Hannah: Um… that can be good. I think. A little… romantic, if that’s what you had in mind… 

Mark: Oh. Nooo. Romance wasn’t on the table. Don’t get me wrong, Felicia seems nice. I’m just not interested in her like that.

Hannah: Oh, so you go Felicia? She seems really nice.

Mark: Yeah, I haven’t really talked to her. But it’s nice to have someone dealing with my fans.

Hannah: Your.. fans? 

Mark: Yeah, you know. All my happy customers! 

Hannah: Huh. I didn’t realize you needed so much help fielding calls from happy clients…

Mark: Well, not really. But especially after my awesome holiday work, I know it’s gonna get crazy!

Hannah: I think it’s awesome that you have so much confidence. 

Mark: Thanks!

Hannah: But… do you ever worry that you come across a little… bragadocious?

Mark: What? Is that even a word?

Hannah: You know, boastful… Braggy. Arrogant.

Mark: I guess I haven’t really think about it like that. 

Hannah: Sometimes its nice to hear what a good job you’re doing from other people. But that’s a lot easier when you’re not already telling everyone how awesome you are.

Mark: Yeah. I worry that they’ll forget.

Hannah: Forget?

Mark: Well, if I’m not talking, are they going to remember I’m even in the same room?

Hannah: Oh believe me, Mark. People will notice you.

Mark: I don’t know. (In a serious tone) Remember three months ago when I didn’t show up to work for a few days?

Hannah: Yeah, I remember. The office was so quiet and boring. 

Mark: Yeah, well… My dog died. I know it’s just a dog. But he was MY dog, you know? I took him everywhere. He was my little buddy. 

Hannah: Oh Mark, I’m so sorry.

Mark: Thanks. (He pulls out his wallet and takes out a picture of the dog.) This is him. His name was Tugger. ‘Cuz he loved to play tug-of-war.

Hannah: He’s so cute! 

Mark: I emailed that picture around the office to let them no why I wouldn’t be there. And no one said anything when I came back. Ms. Ellis gave me a card, but it seemed like no one knew what it was for. A few people even wished me a happy birthday in it. 

Hannah: That’s horrible. I’m so sorry Mark. 

Mark: You don’t have anything to be sorry for. You wrote a nice little poem in it about a rainbow bridge and heaven. It was really nice. 

Hannah: Yeah, I remember. I was worried you would think it was silly.

Mark: Nah. I liked it a lot. Tugger loved rainbows. Even though he was colorblind. I think he could see God’s handiwork even if he couldn’t see the colors.

Hannah: I bet he could too. 

Mark: Ooh, What do you think of this? (He holds up a flamboyant dress.) 

Hannah: Oh. Um… Do you like it? (She cringes a little) 

Mark: Yeah! It’s awesome. Look how bright it is! And it’s Dodo Gazelle! Girls go bananas for designer labels! I’m getting it!

Hannah: Um, Mark… do you know her size? (Checks tag) HOLY COW!!! This dress is 300 dollars!

Mark: Awesome! It’s perfect!

(He runs off with the dress and Hannah shakes her head)

Hannah: Poor Felicia! This is not going to end well. (She looks down at the photograph) But at least I have a perfect idea for Mark’s gift!

(She exits)

Scene 9

(A new day. Samira and Camilla sit at their desks. Joe comes in holding a box. Samira stands up and pulls a Santa hat out of her purse and mimes to Joe to be quiet and then slips the hat onto Camilla’s head.) 

Camilla: (Pulls the hat off) YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT.

Joe: Uh-oh. (He looks around worried)

Samira: Oh come on Camilla. It’s a joke.

Camilla: No. Jokes are funny. THIS is assault. I don’t want it, Samira. I don’t want silly hats, or horrible music, or YOU OR CHRISTMAS-

(Ms. Ellis enters)

Ms Ellis: Ladies. That is enough. Come into my office immediately.

(They all exit the scene. Joe begins pulling tinsel from his box and draping it over everything. Arlee enters)

Arlee: Joe? What are you doing?

Joe: I’m decorating. For the party.

Arlee: The party isn’t for two more days. I thought we agreed no tinsel?

Joe: Are you kidding? We can’t agree on anything! I’ve decided to take the party into my own hands.

Arlee: Oh, Joe… What is Jill going to think?

Joe: Frankly, I don’t give a can of beans what Jill thinks. She may have tried to organize a group to put on the Christmas party, but she’s not in charge!

Arlee: But… she kind of is, Joe. And this is only going to cause problems. I don’t think it’s worth it. And HOLY MOLY. Don’t you think that amount of tinsel is a little OVERKILL, Joe??

Joe: (Looks around) Oh. Um… I guess it is a little much.

Arlee: Look, I know that trying to organize all these different ideas of what Christmas feels like to four different people is difficult. But… I know there’s a simple solution. Let’s call a meeting and talk it over, okay?

Joe: Yeah. I think that’s a good idea. Honestly, planning the party alone kept me up till about 2’oclock in the morning. Would you mind…? (He gestures to the tinsel.)

Arlee: Fine. But this is the only time I’m helping you clean up your tinsel, Joe. If we agree to have it, you get to clean it up by yourself.

Joe: Okay. Deal.

(End Scene)

Scene 10

(Grace and Dwayne sit in the kitchenette.)

Dwayne: I cannot believe the shipping takes up to 30 days! I swear I never had to wait that long before!

Grace: I figured there had to be some kind of catch with the site. (She laughs) My Christmas shopping is done, my budget has been spent… and nothing will get here before Valentine’s Day!

Dwayne: (Groans and covers his face) I’m so embarrassed. My family is going to be so disappointed, but I feel worse about leading you astray!! 

Grace: (Waves him away) Aw, don’t beat yourself up about it, Dwayne. I forgive you.

Dwayne: NO! Don’t tell me that! First you let me off the hook for taking credit for the donuts, and now you’re telling me its fine that I made you spend all your money on Christmas presents that won’t be here until the middle of January!

Grace: You want me to be mad?

Dwayne: YES. I mean, it’s only fair! I deserve your hatred!

Grace: Well tough. I guess you’ll have to settle for my forgiveness and friendship! You did hook me up with an awesome site. Yeah, the presents won’t be here by Christmas, but guess what? I bought EVERYTHING on my family’s wishlist and stayed on budget. That’s a gift I can’t thank you enough for!

Dwayne: How do you do that?

Grace: Do what?

Dwayne: Just forgive me so easily? Sometimes I feel like I could hold on to grudges forever. I still remember the name of the kid in 2nd grade that borrowed a pencil and didn’t return it.

Grace: (Laughs) What was their name?

Dwayne: Daisy Carmichael. 

Grace: Poor Daisy! Forever hated for a crime she has no idea she committed. 

Dwayne: Well, I don’t HATE her. But I do wish she had given me back my pencil. I wrote in ink and that is not a good idea for someone who has no idea how to spell. So how do you do it? Forgive me?

Grace: I don’t know really. I guess it might have something to do with trusting God. He has forgiven me for so much. He has taught me to love people differently. You made a mistake. But I don’t have to hold on to it or make you feel bad about it. You’re doing that enough yourself. You’re also very much in the same boat as me. You ordered gifts the same night and your family won’t get gifts any sooner than mine will. 

Dwayne: Yeah. That’s true.

Grace: God has blessed me with a forgiving heart. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Sometimes people say something and it eats at me. Or I’ve felt hurt and I have hurt someone back. But I know that God wants me to ask for forgiveness. And if I want to be forgiven, I have to forgive other’s. 

Dwayne: Yeah. I’m pretty sure I read that in the Bible.

Grace: (Gets up and throws her lunch remnants away) I’m sure you have. I know of 81 verses that mention forgiving.

Dwayne: (Also getting up to throw away his paper bag) 81? Seriously? How do you know that?

Grace: I had a devotional that went over how many times the NIV Bible says the word “Forgive”.

Dwayne: What a handy factoid to have at this moment.

Grace: (Laughs) It is, isn’t it?

(They exit. End Scene.)

Scene 11

(Enter Camilla, Samira, and Ms. Ellis. Ms Ellis sits on one side of a desk with Camilla and Samira on the other.)

Ms. Ellis: I’m pretty disappointed in both of you. This time of year is supposed to be fun, heartwarming, and spiritual. And you two seem determined to make it all about yourselves.

Samira: That’s not true Ms. Ellis, I understand what Christmas is about! I’m trying to share it with Camilla?

Ms. Ellis: Really, Samira? Is Christmas about forcing someone to participate in traditions that don’t mean anything to them? Is it about tinsel and silly hats and way too many Christmas songs?

Samira: Oh. I didn’t realize you didn’t like Christmas.

Ms. Ellis: I love Christmas time. More than anything though, I love God. And do you know what God told us is important? Loving people. That’s it. All Jesus asks is to love Him and love each other.

And love means allowing for differences, having patience, and forgiving other people.

Camilla: She doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. She deserves a straight-jacket.

Ms. Ellis: Camilla, you know you don’t hate this holiday nearly as much as you lead Samira to believe. I have received beautiful handmade Christmas cards from you for 4 years in a row. I believe there is a part of you that just enjoys irritating Samira. I just wish you ladies would find more things you have in common rather than solely focus on all the things that make you different. 

Camilla and Samira together: (Improvise lines such as, “In common?” “I have nothing in common with her!”

Ms. Ellis: (Holds up a hand, they go silent) Yes. In common. Please. I will leave you two to talk for a while. If you can’t get along, I am not going to allow you to come to the Christmas party. As much as you pretend to hate everything Jolly, Camilla, I know that you want to come and participate in the gift exchange. 

(Camilla shrugs. Ms. Ellis exits. There is a long pause of silence.)

Camilla: You started playing Christmas music in June, Sam. How was I supposed to react.

Samira: I… You’re right.

Camilla: I am?

Samira: If I’m honest… I’m sick of Christmas carols.

Camilla: You are?!

Samira: June was a bit aggressive. I don’t know if you remember, but you were singing that horrible version of Jingle Bells. The one about Batman. I felt like it was sacrilegious.

Camilla: Sacrilegious? Jingle Bells isn’t even about God. And it was originally written for Thanksgiving!

Samira: Well… I just got annoyed. So I tortured you. (Pause) But I sort of tortured myself too.

Camilla: (She smiles) If I’m honest, some of the songs grew on me. Which probably added to my irritation.

Samira: Really? Which ones??

Camilla: Oh I hate them all now. But maybe in a few years… I might look up Holy Night. And “So This Is Christmas”. I’ve always had a soft place in my heart for the Beatles.

Samira: I think that one is just by Paul McCartney. But I agree. It’s a good one.

(Slight pause as they exchange smiles)

Camilla: I’m sorry I tried to get a rise out of you Sam.

Samira: I am too Camilla. You deserved better from me.

Camilla: I forgive you. 

Samira: Thank you. I forgive you too. 

(They hug. Ms. Ellis comes back in)

Ms Ellis: Oh thank goodness! It’s a Christmas miracle. (They laugh) Now please, get back to work and try to keep the peace!

Samira: Yes ma’am.

Camilla: Happy to boss!

(They exit. Scene Ends)

Scene 12

(Felicia and Liz talk in the kitchenette scene) 

Felicia: So did you get the gift for Beth?

Liz: Yep! I sold my grandmother’s locket to get it, but I got it.

Felicia: Oh my goodness, really? 

Liz: Yeah. But I was able to get a top of the line camera bag, a really nice lens, and a strap that is her favorite color. So I feel like it was worth it!

Felicia: You must really care about Beth a lot.

Liz: I do. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had. 

(They exit, Party Planners enter. Jill looks terrible)

Jill: Guys. We are one day away from the party. I’m so exhausted. I have planned and baked and worried and cut out snowflakes and it’s still not enough. It will never be enough. I… I think I might want to cancel the whole thing.

Travis: I thought you might feel like that Jill. Guess what? I have three brilliant ideas.

(The other three groan)

Arlee: Not another impossible invention, Travis.

Travis: Nope. Although… define impossible?

Joe: Something that is without possibility.

Jill: I don’t think that’s the definition of impossible.

Travis: No, these ideas are perfect. Simple. And quite possible.

Arlee: Okay. Go. What are they?

Travis: The first? Ask everyone to bring a food dish to the party. 

Jill: Oh. Well. That’s actually a really good idea. But it’s pretty last minute…

Travis: I’ve already asked 5 people. They all said they have extras from baking for the family and would be happy to share. 

Joe: That’s… That’s brilliant Travis!

Travis: Thank you. Next idea: Lights and a tree. I think we should go to the Boy Scouts since Arlee’s nephew is a part of them. And I read in the newspaper that they’ll deliver for five bucks.

Arlee: Nope. The Boy Scouts are out. They sold out of trees two days ago.

Travis: Oh. They did? How about Joe’s church then?

Joe: My church is sold out too. And I drove by the Big Stores yesterday… the only trees they had left were rather… bedraggled.

Arlee: It’s almost Christmas. Trees don’t last forever.

Travis: Well then… How about no tree? 

Joe: No tree? 

Travis: Yep. No tree. No mess to clean up.

Jill: Ok. Fine. I’m a little disappointed, but… I suppose if the Boy Scouts are sold out and Joe’s church is too… We’ll go no tree this year. So food and a tree have been taken care of? What’s the third?

Travis: That’s it. Keep it simple. This is an office. We don’t need a whole lot. A nice gift exchange. A potluck dinner. And a boom box playing Christmas music.

(Everyone looks at each other. They slowly smile and nod)

Joe: I like it. No muss. No fuss. No coconuts.

Jill: You were going to bring coconuts?

Joe: No. It’s a saying. It rhymes. 

Arlee: It really doesn’t.

(Skillet enters eating something.)

Skillet: Oh hey folks. Guess what? I cut down a tree from my property last night and I brought it. Want me to bring it up?

Jill: You… brought a tree?

Skillet: Yeppers.

Joe: A Christmas tree right? Not like… a palm tree or something?

Skillet: An evergreen of the finest quality. I grow and sell them over Christmas.

Arlee: YOU have a Christmas tree farm?

Skillet: That’s a Rodger, Barley. I sell to local churches, the boy scouts, and my really rag-a-muffin trees go to the Big Stores to sell for cheap.

(They all stare at each other and then look at Skillet)

Jill: Skillet, you may have just saved Christmas. 

Skillet: A shucks! Again? 

(They Laugh, scene ends)

Scene 13

(The Christmas party. Felicia comes forward to do a talking head)

Felicia: So we made it. The day of the Christmas party was finally here. Samira and Camilla surprised everyone by staying late and decorating the office. Ms. Ellis brought tamales that would go down in history as the most amazing thing ever brought to a potluck. Travis wowed us all with stories of his adventures into inventing. And when it was time for the gift exchange… I think everyone was shocked and surprised by the love and generosity that went into each one

(Everyone sits in a circle in front of a Christmas tree. Focus on Liz and Beth)

Liz: (Opens a small box) Oh my word. Beth! What a beautiful gold chain!!

Beth: It’s real gold. I know there was a budget, but… I wanted you to have something really special. You’re my best friend. And I know how long you’ve wanted a better chain for your grandmother’s locket. 

Liz: (Looking touched and then sad) Oh… Beth… I sold the locket.

Beth: You sold it? Why??

Liz: To buy you something special… (She hands her the gift)

Beth: (Opens it) Oh my goodness! It’s a bag for my camera!! And a strap. And a lens!! Oh, Liz… You shouldn’t have.

Liz: I shouldn’t have?

Beth: Um… I sold my camera. To buy you the necklace.

(They look at each other with wide eyes and then begin laughing)

Liz: Oh Beth!!! What are the chances??

Beth: I feel like I’ve heard of this somewhere before!

(Felicia enters. She’s holding the horrible dress from Mark)

Felicia: Well, Beth? Did you like your present? I don’t mean to brag, but I was on the super special project to help figure out what to get you!

Beth: THAT’S what you were whispering about?

Liz: Of course! I wanted your Christmas to be really special!

Felicia: And I wanted to help you both!

Beth: Oh you guys. You did. It’s been so special! Thank you!!

Liz: Um… Felicia… What is that?

Felicia: Oh. Um. This was my gift from Mark.

Beth: Do you… like it?

Felicia: He included a gift receipt. Look how much he spent!! (She shows them the tag)

Liz: Holy cow. Want us to go with you to return it?

Felicia: That would be so fun! Yes please! Beth, I’m sorry you felt left out when I was helping Liz. You’ll come won’t you?

Beth: Yeah. I would love to.

(They all go to the background. Hannah and Mark come to the front.)

Mark: I think including the receipt was a good idea, Hannah. Now that I see it near her… it’s way too big. And not a good color.

Hannah: I’m glad you’re not hurt that she doesn’t like it.

Mark: Nah. Girls are hard to shop for. Especially since I don’t really know her at all.

Hannah: That’s true. (Slight pause.) Um… Here Mark. (She hands him a flat gift).

Mark: Oh wow. Really? You had me?

Hannah: Yeah, I did.

Mark: You did an awesome job of not giving it away! I had no idea! (He rips into it. It’s a painting of his dog.) Oh. Oh wow. Hannah! This is gorgeous! How did you get it made so fast?

Hannah: I painted it myself.

Mark: You did?? Hannah! It’s beautiful! How did you know, it’s everything I could have wanted!

Hannah: The truth is, Mark… that I like you.

Mark: You LIKE me? (He look thrilled.)

Hannah: (Laughing) No! Not like that!!! I mean, I like you as a friend. You’re really funny. And… I want to be your friend.

Mark: You ARE my friend, Hannah! I’m pretty sure you’re the nicest person in the world. Thank you for my gift.

Hannah: (She beams) You’ve very welcome.

Ms. Ellis: All right you guys. It looks like everyone is done opening gifts so let’s gather to bless the food. (Everyone gathers). Jill, you and the party planners have done an amazing job. Thank you so much for all your hard work. Camilla, Samira… You have astounded us all. The office looks beautiful. You two work so well together! Remind me to team you up more for projects! And thank you everyone for the food! It looks and smells incredible! Would anyone like to say Grace?

EVERYONE: GRACE! (Everyone laughs)

Grace: Would it be alright if I did?

Ms. Ellis: Yes of course!

Grace: Lord, I thank you for the food, the company, and the friendship we have found here in this office. I think it’s pretty amazing that we are able to connect with you so much in our workplace. As we go home to our families for our celebration of your birth, I ask that you give us peace, protect us as we’re apart, and help us to focus on what’s really important during this holiday: You’re birth leading to the ultimate sacrifice and the salvation that we have all found in you. Amen.

(Everyone goes to the food and Skillet comes forward)

Skillet: So that was the craziness that lead to our Christmas party. I hope you all learned something. I know I didn’t! I already know everything because I’m genius! I’m thinking of quitting and applying to become Santa! Anyway… Happy Easter, ya’ll!

(THE END)