I haven't written much lately. I have been trying to keep up in my journal and reading and taking care of my babies and home while being pregnant. I guess the blog has just sort of taking the back of my priorities list. I don't really have much to say, but I wanted to update this for the first time in a while. 2021 hasn't been depressing for me... I have enjoyed many of the changes that it's brought.
I feel for my sister, though. 2021 has not been kind. I worry about her and her family a lot. I'm so glad I live close to them. I think I would be freaking out a lot more if I didn't get to see her all the time. Somehow, being close... even though I'm powerless and pretty useless to help... I feel like being close is enough. She supports me through so much, I feel guilty that I don't know how to do more for her. But she never makes me feel like I fall short. And I hope she knows how much I love her.
I was working for a small elementary school teaching drama, but I'm not really doing that now. I just sub when they ask me to. I wish I could do more for that school. It's been such a lifeline for my family.
We have had a lot of drama in my family over my dad's needs and failures. He is a good person whom I love very much, but the man is full of human fault. There's only so much that people can put up with before boundaries must be drawn and if there's one thing my dad doesn't know how to handle, it's feeling rejected by other's boundaries. I appreciate his ability to PRETEND like he gets it, or like it doesn't get to him. But I know how vulnerable he is. I hope his therapist helps him deal with some of his narcissistic tendencies.
Once again, I am trying to "read" the whole Bible this year. I did it last year (took me a liiiittle longer than a year). I'm really listening to the Bible app read it to me. But I don't know that I have opened my heart any more than it was open the last time I tried to do this. I feel like I need something... more educational. Its one thing to listen to a book read outloud. Its another thing to learn to understand it. I don't have the peace that passes understanding. My life is too filled with chaos.
Here I am, a few weeks away from Thanksgiving. This year really flew by. Covid has limited a lot of our ability to fill our time with all the things we thought we would get to do moving back back... but I thank God every day that we are here with family and not across the country suffering through the pandemic alone.
Next weekend, I think my husband is going to take the kiddos to his folks. I'm looking forward to it, I haven't had a break like that for a long time. I'm hopeful that I get the vacation I hope it will be and I can rest. It will be my own private "babymoon" before baby number three joins us next February. I will miss out on visiting with my extended family, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice!
