I have been on hold for a long time. Practically since high school. I always knew I had no great goals of becoming a doctor or lawyer or teacher or really... Anything at all. So college wasn't really anything but a place to waste my time with "fun" classes. I went for going. I went for the simple pleasure of learning. I'm no closer to a degree than when I started four and a half years ago. But I do feel a little better prepared for the rest of my life. I want to be a wife. I want be a mom. I want to be the center of someone's world. And that seems like the best way to do it and deserve it. It's hard knowing I'm goalless in a world full of people who feel like success if measured in dollars and having a point is based on a career. I have never had those drives. I am so much more content in my day when I've cleaned the house and made a meal and settled an argument, then I was when I got good grades or a "great job" at work. It's just not for me.
But I sometimes feel wrong for wanting that. For not having more goals or something.
Now I'm waiting for my husband to come back. I'm waiting for my best friend to have her baby. I'm in a constant state of waiting.
Sometimes I canmt help but feel like there should be more to my life than other people... Waiting on other people. But it's also what makes me happy, so how could it be wrong??
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