Best Thing Ever

There is no such thing as "clean".
There is only tidy for a little while.
10 minute naps or the luxury of 2 hours, I bustle.
Putting away.
Sweeping.
The occasional mopping.
Dishes thrown into the dishwasher.
But soon she's up again.
Toys recently put away are flung hither and yon.
Not played with exactly, just flung about like abstract art installations.
Much more fascinating to her are the drawers.
Drawers filled with baking tools,
Utensils,
Pots and Pans.
Cabinets with lids and Tupperware.
Opened and spread like peanut butter on toast
These are the things that hold her interest.
And soon, my tidy house is chaos again.
"I think we're disorganized" he says.
"Why are there hair ties all over the floor?"
These questions feel like judgements.
The house
And the child
And the dogs
And the meals
And the cleaning
And the cats are my "one" job.
Why can't I do it "right"?
I know he doesn't mean it.
I know it's my own insecurities.
But a whole day of deep cleaning and after dinner, I feel I have nothing to show for it.
There are toys all of the living room.
The couch and pillows and throw blankets are in disarray.
Laundry all fluffy and warm and clean sits in baskets waiting to be folded and put away.
The bathroom is soaked from a boisterous bath.
Dishes from dinner fill the sink and leftovers need to be put away.
All the work that took me all day seems undone and my soul just feels crushed.
He got home at 5:30, happy to compliment my hard work,
Quick to notice all my chores that got done.
But he leaves again at 7 to go for a run,
So I eat alone with our daughter,
Feed the dogs.
And give her a bath.
But he gets home and volunteers to get her ready for bed.
One weight feels like it's been lifted away.
He suggests I take a bath.
Another floats skyward.
Lounging in my liquid lava, I hear dishes being done
And tension in my neck disappears.
I get out once the water turns Normal Human Warm (too cold for me)
The bed has been made with sheets fresh from the dryer.
Every muscle in my body is loose.
"I folded all the laundry..." He says from behind of his comic book.
I am completely jelly.
I cannot believe it.
It's like a dream has come true.
I go and look and see that there is not a dish to be found.
The food is stored in the fridge.
Piles of our daughter's laundry is stacked on the couch.
The dogs are put to bed.
And he's about to get the night. of. his. LIFE.
Best. Thing. EVER.