Rolling Over

   It's been quite a wait for my daughter to roll over. She may have done it earlier, but it was unsupervised, and caused her to fall off the couch. (Twice). Right around the time that it seemed like rolling over was going to happen any day, she got an ear infection and started acting dizzy for about two weeks. After that, her attempts to roll over stopped.
  It's frustrating as a mother to be constantly be bombarded with "Oh had she done (insert any number of "should be doing's" here) yet?" Because there's no way to force your child to develop any faster than she will. Oh, there is plenty you can do to stunt your child. And if your child hasn't reached a milestone in a timely manner, it's so easy to point the finger and say, "You aren't doing this. You have tried that. You're relying on this other too much." You begin to feel as though it really is something you're doing.
   In my case, though... I honestly have been doing all I can. I give her plenty of tummy time. I watch her. I never leave her alone on an elevated surface (anymore). I have been waiting. Every day that went by between 5 and 6 months, I felt helpless and guilty. She didn't roll over.
  My sister really eased my worry, sending me plenty of articles and personal testimonies of mommies saying their babies didn't roll till 9 months... some claiming their babies never rolled over and went straight to sitting up. Articles that should put my worry to rest. But really, as a mother... well, really, as a woman... oh hell, as a HUMAN PERSON... We find it so much easier to focus on all the negatives and no matter how much I told myself (and other's told me) it was ok and that she would roll when she was ready, I still couldn't feel good knowing she hadn't reached that milestone.
   She sits up like a champ. She's almost 7 months old and she can keep her balance, lean forward and backwards, reach for things and happily watch me from a sitting position, very fairly tottering and falling over. In articles I had read, they encouraged me that even if she was late to roll over, it wouldn't stunt any of her other milestones. In fact, being early in something has a much higher indicator that the next milestone will be pushed off a bit.
  So I finally let my mind rest. But it was one of those things hovering in my mind, one of the first things I would bring up if anyone asked about her, and something I would spend hours on end watching for, willing it to happen. "Do it for Nana's birthday... Do it for mama's birthday... Please Lord let it be today so I can stop THINKING about it, and worrying!"
  But stubborn and content, she remained firmly on back or belly, happy to smile at whatever was around her, never trying to wiggle, reach, or move towards an ever so distant toy.
   An early Saturday morning brought a wiggly giggly, wide-awake girl and I was up before 8 to surprise my husband with breakfast in bed. She bounced in a bouncer, lay on the floor, sat in the high chair while I cooked, cleaned, and puttered. I laid her down for a nap and scrubbed the kitchen floor. I wrote. I read. She woke up. I felt hot and sticky and gross from all my labors. It was 2 in the afternoon now and I had been "on duty" since... well, who am I kidding, I'm always on duty. So I decided to take my baby girl down stairs to hang out with daddy while he played video games so I could soak away the tension from a long-put off workout that had practically crippled me the day before.
  Lounging in the bath, breathing in the delightful scent of a lavender bath bomb, I relaxed into the fire-hot water. I always expect a bath to take an hour tops, but soaking away the aches and pains of a productive week usually stretches into a rather embarrassing long doze in feathery bubbles. I hear my husband come bounding up the stairs and he bursts into my little indulgence with a blast of air that now feels cool to my overly-warmed, dampened skin.
   "Uh... You might wanna get out of the bath." He says in an odd voice.
   "What? Why?" I ask, thinking to myself, It's too soon! The water is still warm and I had her ALL morning! 
   "Evie just rolled over." He looks excited, but also concerned, as if this is not completely happy news. "I mean. I think she did. I mean, she was on her tummy when you put her down, right? Yeah. She's on her back now."
   "What??? No way!!" I grin back. "Let me just wash my hair and I'll get out! Go back to her! I don't like her being downstairs by herself."
  He closes the door behind me and I am caught up in a thousand thoughts as I scrub at my hair. Maybe he's wrong! Maybe he's confused. Maybe he flipped her over and forgot. How could she have done it now... when I am completely unavailable? All that waiting... and I'm finally ok! I can relax! She's DONE it!
  As I rinse the conditioner out, I flip stopper so the tub can drain and leap out of the tub, dashing to get dressed. I finish pulling on my clothes and I hear footsteps, the bedroom door opens, and there's my love carrying my itty bitty.
  "She did it again." He grins. "I actually saw her do it this time. She did it so fast. I almost missed it."
  For the rest of the day we kept her happy so she could be on her tummy to show me her roll. But she only did it one more time, and I missed it again too. I saw the tail end of it. But not the actual flip.
  I'm still waiting to see it. She's spent hours on her tummy since that day, but not a single roll. But now it's more hopeful anticipation, and less terrified worry that I screwed her up.
   Even now, she happily cooing on the floor next to me, with no indication that she'll roll. But I'm not worried. I am so proud of her.