Acting on Acting

   Acting, drama, theater... this has long been one of my greatest loves and biggest passions. I believe it started from watching musicals at my nanny and poppa's house as a child. This lead into being directed by my older sister for silly little plays for my parents and their friends. We did ballet and tap dance and assorted small parts in plays for my Home School program. But I stopped trying when I went to "real school", never putting myself out there for judgement, always volunteering for the smaller parts in plays.
   But then came high school. My older sister was in drama, and since she was a senior and I was a freshmen, drama was the only class we could take together, so I took it with her. And I fell in love with acting for real in that class. Maybe it was the teacher. Maybe it was the group. Maybe it was the fact that I seemed to have a knack for it. I took drama through all 4 years of high school, basically taking over the teaching side of the class my junior year, after our teacher left and was replaced by a man who clearly didn't want to do it. My senior year was the first time we took on full plays, though, and for both, I was cast in perfect roles, and flourished center stage as Winnefred in Once Upon a Mattress. Oh I loved it. It was my happiest accomplishment.
   I took a drama class in college too, it was actually the first and only class I took my first year of college. I was riddled with anxiety when I started college and it took me a long time to warm up to going. That drama class was so much fun. But it was the only one offered. And so, that ended my acting career.
   I did volunteer to teach drama at an elementary school, and that satisfied some of my artistic longing. I wrote plays and directed little children. It was wonderful and granted me a certain amount of accolades from parents and friends who appreciated my writing.
   But I moved and no longer had the connections a community allows.
   I have often looked back on the times when I was able to express my inner artist child on stage and I miss it. It's the type of longing that feels silly. There is no place for grown, plus-sized mothers of average talent to satisfy the joy of acting in the real world. I had become convinced of this, ignoring my desire to act, and just pretending it doesn't exist.
   But then my friend took me to a play by a local community theater. And as they acted out Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, I was in awe... rocked to my core... Here, standing in front of me, were my people. I felt it with every bone of my body. I could fit into this little troupe. I could try.
  Maybe I won't get in. Maybe my fears and doubts are correct, I'm not good enough, I'm too fat, I'm not talented... But to hell with all that... The fact is, for the first time in a long time, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I see a tiny glimmer of hope. Even just for one audition, I can once again stand on stage and act.
  Am I riddled with fear? Hell yes. Would it be easier to just watch the plays? Yes. Will leaving my baby so I can act be hard? You betcha. But I can feel God in this opportunity, telling me to rely on Him. To use my creativity. To try. Try. Do it. Just get out there and give it a shot.
   God gives you the opportunities... the rest is up to you.